


The Surreal Life 2009

by addictedkitten



Category: Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-27
Updated: 2005-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-31 05:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/340479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addictedkitten/pseuds/addictedkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can't do it anymore," Justin said.  "I can't be stuck in the girls room.  Mary-Kate and Ashley never sleep.  Ever."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Surreal Life 2009

Day One:

"Ohmygod," Haylie Duff said. "I can't believe I'm really going to be living with Nick Carter for ten days. I was such a fan when I was like, sixteen."

"Wow, thanks," Nick said, backing away both slowly and, he hoped, subtly. Through a cheesy beaded curtain he could see a really nice room, just off the living room. It had his name all over it. Well, not really, but it would, because he wanted it, before anyone else got it. He was probably the most famous guy here. He deserved it. Probably all the rest were has-been reality TV show contestants and pop star siblings, maybe an old sitcom actor. 

Justin Timberlake walked in the door. 

"Fuck," Nick said, although this would later show up on the program as "bleep."

Day Two:

"Where am I supposed to put all my shoes?" Justin said plaintively. The room had four beds, bright yellow walls, and a closet already full of glittery girl's clothing. Perhaps staying up all night playing drinking games with Nicole Ritchie and Ryan Seacrest rather than unpacking had been a bad idea. Well, for reasons other than the obvious.

"Find a closet." Nick smirked. "Actually- no, even I can't make that joke. Too cheap."

"Hello," Mischa Barton said. "What about _my_ shoes?"

Day Three: 

At two thirty in the morning, Nick awoke to the sight of Justin Timberlake standing at his bedside, staring at him.

"I can't do it anymore," Justin said. "I can't be stuck in the girls room. Mary-Kate and Ashley never sleep. Ever. And the nail polish fumes are making me dizzy."

"So what am I supposed to do about it?" Nick asked, having a nice, leisurely stretch in his big, comfortable bed. 

"Let me have the bed. Just for a night."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fine," Justin said. Then he climbed into the bed.

"Okay," Nick said. "Okay. What the fuck."

"You're not supposed to swear." Justin's voice was muffled, as he'd already pulled the covers over his head. "Go to sleep."

"Did you miss the part about you not sleeping in here?"

"I'm not leaving."

Nick looked at the clock. Then he looked at the Justin-shaped lump beneath the covers. Then he looked back at the clock.

He sighed, turned over, and went back to sleep.

Day Four:

THE SURREAL LIFE ENQUIRER:  
NICK AND JUSTIN: GAY?

Ashley looked at Nick. "Well?"

"Sometimes," Nick said.

"Not for Nick," Justin said. 

"I am," Ricky Martin said. Nobody listened. That wasn't news.

"You guys are spooning," Haylie said, pointing to the night vision green photo of the two of them on the cover.

"That was all Nick," Justin exclaimed. "I'm going to go to eat something."

"Me too," Haylie said.

"I lied." Justin turned and headed for the phone booth. "I'm going to call Chris."

"I wrote a song today," Ricky said. "Who wants to hear it?"

"I think we should write a song together," Haylie said. "A duet. I totally used to have a crush on you."

Justin ducked into the phone booth and dialed. "Chris," he said urgently into the phone. "What do you do if you have feelings for another guy?"

Silence on the other end of the line, then: "You sleep it off. If you still do when you wake up, it's the hangover."

"What if it's Nick Carter?"

Another lengthy pause. "Is this a cry for help?"

"No. Well, yes. Well, maybe." 

Day Five:

"Chris. Hey. So what if you do if you have feelings for another guy, and then you sleep with him, and then maybe you give him a blowjob, and it's not so bad, and then maybe he gives you one, and it's really great, and you're starting to think you really like him, but you're not sure because it's kind of like dating yourself, and anyway his band was really never that great anyway?"

Pause. "Do you need to go to rehab, Justin? Is that it?"

Day Six:

"Hey, do you guys remember how Corey Feldman got married to his girlfriend on the last day of the first season?"

"No."

"No."

"No."

"No," Nick said, looking a little nervous.

"Yeah." Justin coughed. "Me neither."

Day Seven:

"I just caught Ricky making out with Ryan," Nick said, traumatized. 

Justin put a hand on his shoulder. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. We could just, you know, kiss. Or whatever. For as long as it takes you to forget."

Although they didn't know it yet, this season would eventually become the most watched program in VH1's history.

Day Eight:

THE SURREAL LIFE ENQUIRER:  
BIG GAY SURREAL LIFE: WHO'S NEXT?

Nick looked at the girls. They looked back.

"No," Nicole said.

"I don't get it," Haylie said.

"I think my girlfriend would be jealous," Mischa said.

Mary-Kate and Ashely leaned a little closer together. 

Gee, Justin thought, they sure do like to hold hands a lot.

Day Nine:

"Chris, how do you know for sure if you're in love with somebody?"

"Is it cocaine, Justin, is that it? I'm here to help you, however I can."

Day Ten:

They spent the last day working at a diner, where they sold hundred dollar deluxe cheeseburgers for charity. Haylie worked the grill, because she'd had fry cook experience. Mary-Kate and Ashley were waitresses. Justin played hostess. Nick fiddled with the old-fashioned jukebox, queuing up all the old Backstreet Boys songs. 

As the event came to an end, Nick popped a quarter into the plastic ring vending machine. He handed his prize to Justin. It was still in the clear plastic bubble, but Justin could see that it had a skull on it. He took it out, and let Nick slip it on his finger, adjusting it to fit.

"I'm thinking Newlyweds: Nick and Justin," Nick said.

And the Carter-Timberlakes lived happily ever after, and got fantastic ratings. The end.


End file.
